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ACT 5- Revelations

Scene 1: Clever Title Here






INSERT TEXT HERE- I have no fucking clue yet. Something Revalatory? With a song?



A Reading from the Letters of Saint Samuel Langhorn Clemens (from off stage we should hear "No he isn't!" "Yes he is!" "SSSSSHH!")

It is human nature to yearn to be what we were never intended for.
It is singular, but it is so.
I wanted to be a pilot or a preacher, and I was about as well calculated for either as is poor Emperor Norton for Chief Justice of the United States.

(closes book and bows head)


Scene 2: Tale of the GreyFace


Chair next to a table with an old radio on it.

POPE: Slightly dingy but still odd ecclesiastical robes. ERIS: Similar to A1S2. GREYFACE: Grey full facemask. Mr. Slate-like caveman outfit. Generic caveman outfits for CAVEPEOPLE

Ball made up to look like rock. Fake primitive tools. Rock with breakaway parts to look like stone wheel. Furry briefcase. Plushy Yoda doll. Sacren Chaos on sticks. A cow on a stick.

FADE UP Very Dim lighting, On one half of the stage a Discordian Pope sits listening to an old looking radio, spitting out news of war and destruction (use audio of current events). The longer he listens, the more distressed he gets, until he sinks to his knees with a cry of woe

Pope: O! Eris! Blessed Mother of Man! Queen of Chaos! Daughter of Discord! Concubine of Confusion! O! Exquisite Lady, I beseech You to lift a heavy burden from my heart!

Eris appears

Eris: What bothers you dear? You don't sound well. Too many tequila shooters again? Your Eurovision favorite lost?

Pope: I am filled with fear and tormented with terrible visions of pain. Everywhere people are hurting one another, the planet is rampant with injustices, whole societies plunder groups of their own people, mothers imprison sons, children perish while brothers war. O, woe.

Eris: What's the problem with that, if you guys want it? I am the Embodiment of Chaos, after all.

Pope: But no one really wants it, everyone hates it!

Eris: Oh, well then, stop it.

Pope: Wait. what?

Eris: You heard me. I may be the Goddess of Disorder, but that doesn't mean I'm down with all that crap. If that's the norm, go create some disorder in My name, and fuck their shit up.

Pope: You mean...

Eris: Random acts of kindness are still random, and therefore my domain. And being randomly nice to people really confuses the hell out of them.

Pope: But how did this all happen?

Eris: Well, its like this, once upon a time there was this guy...

Lights fade on Eris and the Pope, come up on front. GreyFace enters, Some of the GC are standing around being casual. Background sounds should be of children playing, people being happy, etc

GF: (grumbling)Meeting at 2, have to go kill a mammoth for next months bbq, got a stack of pertoglyphs a mile high to sort through *grumble*


A ball (that looks like a rock) comes bouncing in followed by the rest of the GC dressed as cave kids, who weave around GF's legs, playing

GF: Stupid kids! Don't you know I have Important Things to be doing?!?

Eris: He was so offended by all of these people around him wasting time, that he set out to fix the problem.

GF herds the GC into orderly rows and hands them tools and a big rock

GF: Now! All this playing around isn't preparing you for Real Life! You must learn how to be productive, orderly citizens!

GC starts banging at the rock, it turns into a wheel

GF: See how orderly that is? Order is what makes our world go around. We must keep everything in order!

Lights fade on GF and GC to continuing stony bangs and thuds, and come back up on Eris and Mal

Eris: Greyface and his followers took the game of playing at life more seriously than they took life itself. Eventually Grayface's way took over all ways, even the ones that look different on the surface. Mythology wrote me as the bad guy, instead of the one that keeps things from stagnating and being Boring As Fuck.

Pope: That sounds like mankind has been suffering from a psychological and spiritual imbalance ever since.

Eris: Imbalance leads to frustration, and frustration leads to fear...

Pope: (interrupting) Fear leads to anger?

Eris: Throws a stuffed Yoda at him Fear makes for a bad trip. Man has been on a bad trip for a long time now.

Pope: So, what do we do?

Pope: Revel in the Chaos, my child... bask in the Weird. If war and misery are what passes for the New World Order, then bring on some New World Surreal. Even Random Acts of Kindness are still random.


Fade the last couple choruses of the song, with everyone but Eris leaving the stage. She starts talking as the singing fades, with the lights fading to a spot on just her.

Eris: Mmm, yeah. That's what I'm talking about. Just a little bit of crazy to make things interesting. Keep on keeping on my children... Eris out.

If there can be Special Effects when Eris says "Eris out" as the lights go out, that would be extra awesome.



Voice from the darkness: A reading from the Wholey Father Pope Robert Anton Wilson

Here should be played some clip from this: and/or this:

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