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ACT 3- High Weirdness

Scene 1: Choose Your Own Script

NARRATOR: use one of the Greek Chorus





INSERT TEXT HERE: The jist of this scene will be one of the Greek Chorus reading from a giant Discordianized Choose Your Own Adventure book, while the Cast acts bits out. The audience will regularly be asked to chose a direction for the story, with the cast grumbling about which bit they have to do.




A reading from the Devia Discordia

Dear Eris,
Now don't take this the wrong way,because I think you're a cool chick and all; but the time has come for me to say goodbye.
You see, I've always steered clear of the murky waters of religion and in the end, I've come to realize that you too, although by far the coolest and certainly the prettiest, are only superhuman.
Through no fault of your own, you are a god; and gods lead to religion and followers, and worship.
And I will not serve; not even you, and I will not lead; not even myself. And so you cannot be my guide; this bridge will carry only me.
But though I cannot follow you to wherever I might be heading, I would be honoured if you decided to tag along, so we can chat, and laugh and see what's on the other side.

(closes book and bows head)


Scene 2: Philosophisory

ERISTOTLE, an aged Greek philosopher, four STUDENTS. The Greek Chorus should come and sit at Eristotle's feet after the Students do.

Greek setting like A1S2, with the bench and no wedding decor. A modern hot dog cart nearby.

Traditional Greek Robes for all, STUDENTS should have various fraternity pins on their clothes, ERISTOTLE should have catsup and mustard stains on his.

Paper plate w/ hot dog.


Eristotle is sitting and eating a hot dog with a bun, when the Students come up to him and sit at his feet.

Student 1: Is it not impious to eat hot dog buns, Eristotle?

Eristotle: Do not believe everything you read, my child. For words written are agents of Order, and thus Suspect. He sets the hot dog down I suspect you wish more of me than my view on the merits of Kosher dogs, my students.

Student 2: Indeed you are right, Eristotle. You always do seem to sniff out our true intentions.

E: It is your cologne, actually. That Axe crap is nasty.

S3: What?

E: Nothing, nothing, nevermind.

S1: Eristotle, oh wisest of teachers, we have come to ask if you truly put forth a theory of Five Ages of Man, and if so, what it is, and what it means. No man has yet been able to explain it to our satisfaction, but the internet is abuzz with news of it nevertheless.

E: It must be better than the usual buzzing of gamergaters.

S2: Actually, it's about ethics in game journalism.

E: Hush. You wish to know of my theory, then?

S4: Yes, very much.

E: Let us begin, as the bard said, at the beginning. It is a very fine place to start, is it not?

S2: I ... er ... suppose so, Eristotle.

E: You can drop the constant references to my name. Even the excessively slow of wit has figured out who I am.

S3: What?

E: Never mind. In any event, do we agree that all things are directly or indirectly appropriate to 5, as the Goddess teaches? Or must we give proofs of this?

S1: We say that which the Goddess teaches, by Zeus.

E: Good. That will save us a couple of pages of script.

S3: Huh?

E: Try to keep up. Why are you even in this class?

S3: I need it to stay on the discus team.

E: Oh. One of those. Pay attention anyway. When a soul comes to be, it comes from we know not where and for no purpose of Reason or Order? We have discussed this before, have we not? The GC should start wandering over to sit at the philosopher's feet also.

S1: I do not recall it immediately, but I get the odd feeling that I could find it easily using Google.

E: The internet forgets nothing, truly. Anyway, this creation which is no kin of Reason and Order must, perforce, be an act of Primal Chaos, must it not?

S4: Indeed, the Internet is Chaos


E: That's not quite what I meant, but you are not incorrect in your assessment. To continue, though, this movement from limitless not-being to limited being will cause deep Confusion, will it not?

S2: I am not sure what you mean.

E: Imagine that you have spent your entire existence running and capering in the bright, sunlit world, surrounded by colors and sounds and sensations, and were then suddenly knocked upon the noggin and chained to the ground in a cave, where you could understand and participate in the world by way of shadows. Would this change not greatly confuse you?

S2: I get the feeling I’ve heard something like this before ... but yes, I would surely be sorely confused. Also, I should think that it would cause great Discord and will to rebel against the...umm...incarceration.

E: Truly and well spoken, for a noob. The first age, that of Confusion, immediately follows upon being born. The second, which you so aptly named Discord, follows upon Confusion during the very early years of life.

S1: I see this to be so.

E: And how does life follow from this? Do we not become resigned to the laws and seek our place in society, be it low or high?

S1: Yes, this is so.

E: And do we not choose our beliefs and hold to them fixedly, so that no man may shake us free?

S2: Most do, teacher.

E: This is during early childhood, when we are taught to respect the authorities. The name of this age is Bureaucracy, and for most men it lasts until the moment of death.

S4: It seems to me that many men change their opinions during their lives.

E: This is so, but do many men change how they think, or attempt to think without using Reason?

S4: This seems as nonsense, Eristotle.

E: It most surely is. Reason is what limits the unlimited and what bars it from the primal Chaos from which we came. Reason is what chains us to the cave, students. The chain of Bureaucracy is heavy, but a few manage to crane their necks around to try to see the light from outside the cave. These few reach the edges of Reason and sight a new landscape. As Reason becomes inadequate and Bureaucracy crumbles, they enter the Age of the Aftermath, which leads them back to the primal Chaos. For most men, though, the Aftermath only occurs at death, when the body crumbles and the soul is freed from Reality and once again joins with Chaos.

The students ponder this, while Eristotle goes back to eating his hot dog- he takes a bite and then gives it a disgusted look, setting it back down.

S1: You are a loon, Eristotle. I don’t know why we ask you anything.

E: I am a loon, and you ask me things because, deep down inside, you are, too. On the outside, though, you’re the pain in the ass that kept me babbling while my hot dog got cold. Why don’t you toddle along before I decide to beat you to death with a soggy hot dog bun?




(closes book and bows head)


Forward to Act 4

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